Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
