I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
