By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
