ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
handjob tips. give me some.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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