I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am one with the molecules
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
