So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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