she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
