You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
