grandma shit on top of the toilet
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
