the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
