God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
