ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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