I just saw a hot homeless man
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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