it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
