forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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