He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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