The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
