i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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