Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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