He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
