At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
