is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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