Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
