hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
