I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
