Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
