The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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