Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
