Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
