My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
