you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
