how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
