Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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