Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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