I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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