Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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