Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
