She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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