All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
