Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
