I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
