I think my vagina is haunted
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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