Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
