I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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