i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
