oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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