xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
