dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
