i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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