ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
