I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
